We find people, we seek them. We hold on tightly, we wonder if it will hurt to let go. The inevitability of this hurt lingers between the sheets and conversations. The bodies that wrap tightly together highlights the darkness of disappointment that is ever present within the light of joy. These opposite feelings of joy and disappointment dance together intoxicating us with their constant presence and battles for attention.
Most relationships start out the same. As our bodies and voices begin to flow we find ourselves touching and exploring each others thoughts while forgetting the outside world. Something shiny and new is standing in front of us. If only for a little longer we hold tightly to the joy of something new, knowing that what we chose to run to is the very thing that has the power to break us. We understand that as we run towards this person, we are doing so with a purpose in mind even if we haven’t taken the time to personally identify what this purpose is for.
So what is this purpose? Is it just for the satisfaction of bodies intertwined together and conversations that feel the warmth of the others power? Is it just for the mere purpose of finding another person who’s smell makes us tingle and words resonate with our truth? Or is it more than this…
What I have found is that what we are seeking for is sweet, voluptuous connection.
How we each uniquely choose to define connection with another person bares an importance often unrealized by many. This personal defining is worthy of our time and energy so that we can peel back the layers as to what connection personally means to each of us. For how can we have a relationship that is raw and powerful if we haven’t identified what we personally need from another person to feel truly connected?
Often times we end up in relationships that are not fulfilling and we don’t even realize it until we are so far into the world of partnership that we fear we’ve let it go far enough that it is just too hard to get out of. Too much hurt would be involved with leaving and so we stay. Time, experiences, friends, family… all of these aspects of our past and present weigh in on our thought process of whether we should leave or stay. Even when we know in our hearts that the person standing beside us is not the person that completes our heart or our sentences, we excuse the notion of wanting out. We make the excuse that it is just a passing desire to chase something else. Self sabotage at it’s best.
The sensitive truth is that sometimes when we dive into a relationship, we fail to hold out for the kind of connection that we truly desire.
Perhaps we didn’t even know what we truly desired when we started down that path with our partner, or perhaps we didn’t see our worth at the time. Whatever the factors were, we find ourselves in the present looking around and realizing our souls ache for something else. Aching for another person that makes us feel like we are home when we are around them. A partnership that is easy and highlights our greatest assets. A person that respects us with all they have and understands that the person standing next to them makes them a better person. A person with eyes that shine when the other talks and infectious smiles that pass easily between both.
Everyone’s reaction and emotions in relationships vary depending on so many factors. Factors we have control over and factors we don’t. Factors such as where we have been and who has taught us about love and attachment. Lessons we have learned through trial and error while previous heartbreaks often shaping our next move. We all have had past partnerships that have jaded our understanding of our worth with the ghosts of hurt lingering in the present.
With this understanding of our past, along with our personal defining of what we need out of connection, leaves us with the ability to identify what we need in order to feel truly fulfilled in our partnerships.
So where do we start?
Making decisions to let go is one of the most powerful actions we can take. Life is full of times when letting go taunts us with it’s air of freedom but our human nature seems to beg us for a little more time, if even just a few more hours of what once was.
The sooner we are able to let go and identify what our unique and authentic connection looks like, the sooner we can be present to what has already been ours from the beginning. The truth of this power is already within us waiting for us to turn our heads and tune into it’s frequency. We already innately know what we need in order to feel connected, it is our responsibility to stay true to our desires and not take the easy route.
I believe that as we progress in life we can become faster at our ability to understand what we have in front of us, both the good and the bad. With this ability we can also become faster at letting go and staying true to ourselves. When when we find ourselves running to the very thing that often seems to break our spirit, we will be quicker to recognize it’s hurt. Courage so powerful it breaks through the barrier of ambiguity.
Perpetual Emergence 